No Such Thing As Happiness
by XxGrimacexX
Summary: "How can you love that human when we are destined mates? You know it and I know it. Why would you do what you did if you didn't love me?" "Because I mistook you for her." So cruel and yet I can't leave him alone. I don't care if he hates me I love him.
1. Light In Darkness

**CAUTION!!! MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR TWILIGHT, ECLIPSE, NEW MOON, AND BREAKING DAWN!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!**

I'm planning on making an Epilogue but I may not make one until chapter five. Hello and thank you for taking a look at my fan fiction for Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. I in no way lay claims to this epic novel though I do lay claims to this fan fiction. Tiz minez! Meh, meh. Joking aside, this story is from a first person perspective much like Twilight is. I usually stick with third person but for this particular fan fiction it is best read from a first person perspective. Not only that, but the main character is pretty funny sometimes. But it is usually when she comments on things. Well, that's all I have to say for now. Be looking out for possible proofreading though I believe this one was done pretty well. You never know, ne? Comments and suggestions are much appreciated. Arigato, gracias, thanks, for stopping in and reading!

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**Chapter One: Light In Darkness**

What did I do to deserve this? I muse as I walk slowly through a bundle of trees. I stumble to the ground after tripping over something--I don't know what it was that I tripped over because it's as dark as death--and sit on my knees for a while before climbing to my feet. I hug myself as I walk farther into the nothingness of the forest before me. "Not much farther," I murmur, my voice a whispery wheeze. This startles me a little but I keep on moving. Finally I reach a wide clearing that seems to be brighter than the rest of the forest. The moon lingers in the sky and there is no sign that it is remotely close to morning. "He has to be here," I breathe as I peer around th­e field. I walk towards the center when I hear a low chuckle from the farthest end of the field from me. As soon as I see a figure it darts out of my sight. "Roguf," I mouth. I guess I was losing my voice. Before I can even take a breath to try and speak a man appears in my sight and I gasp. The man wears normal clothing--a navy t-shirt and blue jeans-- yet he wears no shoes. His body is quite muscular but not insanely muscled. I hear his booming laugh and stare at his face, his black hair matted and covered in blood and dangling in his face. As matted as it is it goes a little pass his shoulder blades. Finally when he stops laughing I look at his face that holds a crooked smile that I can't help but despise. Finally, I risk a glance at his eyes and feel nothing but terror. His eyes were a fierce ruby color and focused on my blooded face.

"I dressed for the occasion AND I didn't spill blood on me... for you to come up empty handed?" I stare at him. He glowers at me and I take a small step backward. "Speak. Explain why those humans aren't here."

"Well," I say, my voice crackling, "I tried to get them to come with me but they wouldn't come. The ones you picked out don't-" My voice cuts off and I start to mouth a moment before I take a deep breath and start back where my voice halted. "The ones you picked didn't like me at all. They wanted nothing to do with me or my 'party'." The man's eyes blaze as I look down at the ground.

"So now I must settle for your blood. I can only take a sip and you know that and how I hate that."

"Yes," I mouth.

"And, to make matters worse, your voice is breaking. I want you to scream in agony like old times," he teases, "but now I can't even have that pleasure. Why didn't you kill those humans then bring them to me instead of let them destroy you, my toy?" I waited a moment for his rigid breath to ease and then replied.

"It takes more out of me to do that after every bite. It could have killed me-"

"To take out humans," he questioned, yelling at me now, "There weren't hundreds of them just the seven I pointed out to you! You couldn't kill them?"

"I suppose I could have." I look up from the ground to see the man swiftly snatch my shoulders in his hands.

"Damn you," he curses as his forehead creases. I notice his eyes scanning over my body like a piece of meat. I guess any one of them would look at me in that way seeing as I did have a ton of blood on my body.

_"Those two there." I nod as the man points to two of my classmates from school. We were atop of an old abandoned building across from my school building. "And her; her scent is VERY nice, even from here." I take another mental note as I watch more of the students of my school walking home. I had no friends and no connection to the students but yet I felt sorry for them and wished I could take their places. They didn't deserve the fate me inviting them to our little party would have in store for them._

_"Roguf..." The man glares at me from behind me and I shudder. "I apologize." He snarls but I go on. "Where am I leading them?"_

_"You're leading them to the place where we met James at."_

_"There? Wouldn't he mess with your pick of people?"_

_Roguf huffs behind me and then steps to my side. "Maybe he will and maybe he won't. We have a small and insignificant acquaintanceship. I doubt he'd keep his distance from my prey."_

_"What will you do?"_

_"Why don't you get started finding a reason to have a party in the forest at night? Go and get what I asked." I nod as he turns from me and disappears off the other edge of the building. After I nearly fly down four stories and nearly eight flights of stairs I get out of the building and cross the street over to my school. I try and catch my breath as fast as I can but the exertion of running from all the way up there was a bit much for my already pressured lungs._

_"Hey," I cry breathlessly. A group of kids stop and stare at me as I pant and wheeze. I stop in front of them and pause before figuring each of their names. "Hey, what's up?" No one speaks but I get a bunch of evil stares. "I'm throwing a party and-" Already people start departing. I bite my bottom lip and then speak again. "It's not my party but this older guy who's in college." Most of them stop while others continue on. I didn't much care for the rest because three of the people Roguf requested were still in the crowd that stopped._

_"Why would he send you to invite anyone anywhere," one girl asked with a grimace on her face._

_"He only invited me by relation. My brother is his best friend and he figured inviting me wouldn't do much harm if he had more, um, cool people around to cover me up." Everyone smirks and snickers at that. "You've probably seen him around. He has seen a few of you and asked me to invite you personally. He figures you'd do the best job in cover up." I pause and people grow anxious. I hear someone screech for me to say the names under their breath and I jolt and start speaking again. "Um, well, you all can come but he has three out of you in particular." More people begin to crowd over and a smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. "Emily, Travis, and Jamal were his choices." They all cheer and I laugh in my head. It's almost as if people who are always adored love to be shown as popular all the time which I hate. They were getting them selves all geared up. I then remember the other four Roguf asked for and decided word would get around. "The other V.I.P.'s," people go oh at that and I smile but continue, "are Alfred, Mimi, Rachel, and Brigit." Those four weren't there but I noticed a few members of their passé and figured they would tell them._

_"Where's the party?"_

_"When is it?"_

_"Who's the guy?"_

_"How does the guy look; and your brother?" A whole bunch of questions were just being thrown at me and I couldn't help but enjoy being the center of attention. It has been forever since I was important to anyone but a thirsty and desperate man. Eventually I explained everything and got the V.I.P.'s to ride in 'my car' to the party spot. I waited for a long while at the front of the school later that day, when the sun was just going down and the moon finally began to show itself, leaning against my red hot Nissan GTR. Roguf said that we had to demolish it after this job because he hated the stupid thing but figured the kids would fall right into his hands with this baby. I was getting tired of waiting when they all finally arrived, oddly, at the same time. I thought nothing of it. They see my car and their faces light up. The biggest but not most muscular boy, Alfred, eyed the keys in my hand longingly and so I motioned them behind my back and out of sight. I outstretch my right hand, palm up, to invite them nearer to enter the car, "We're fashionably late but if we hurry then they'll think nothing of it." The others weren't joining them. I'd given them all the wrong address so only those Roguf wanted would be taken. I slightly felt I did something to help though I was still in the wrong. They all smirked at me and drew nearer to the car. I unlocked the doors with a swift click on the remote attached to the key ring. I opened my door and entered and they all followed. We were near the forest Roguf had asked me to go to when one of the girls started screaming at me about how we were going away from the address and how I was going to make them late with me being confused. I grew nervous. After they noticed how near we were to the forest they began to panic._

_"Where the hell are you taking us, freak?"_

_"I want to go back to the school because this is just crazy!"_

_"Why'd you pass the building we were supposed to be going to?"_

_They began questioning and I was getting even more nervous. "I didn't know we passed it. I wasn't paying attention, I'm sorry."_

_"You liar, you're trying something. You're trying to get your brother to beat us up! 'Cause we don't like you and he is furious. I'm not gonna let you." The next thing I know, Jamal -the one that was just speaking and was sitting in the passenger seat- reaches over and snatches out the keys. We roll to a halt. My eyes grow fearful and I open the door and begin to run. I got pretty far, considering my lack of wind, but they were able to run as fast and farther than me and caught me. They were more scared than anything and that made them angry. They never feared anything and here I come, the weird and freaky new girl, scaring them senseless. They beat me up._

I walked all the way here from nearly a mile or more away. I don't know how far I ran before and while they were attacking me. I almost died then. So I can't be sure how far it was from here. But the entire time my body was in terrible pain and I was slowly losing consciousness from the loss of blood. Or maybe it was from the blows to my head? I'm not sure of that either. I'm not even sure of the extent of my damage. But I do know what I'm sure of. I'm sure Roguf might just kill me tonight. He squeezes my shoulders harder and I whimper a cry but do not scream. I wanted to save the screaming for when it was at its worse so he'd find it entertaining and not kill me. Suddenly, he flings me into a tree near where I'd entered. I gasp for air because the blow gushed the wind out of my lung and all the while he was stalking towards me. I can't run. He darts over to me and I suck in air. He begins to jab me in the gut when he stops. I inhale and exhale hastily, trying to take advantage of his being distracted, so I could regain my breath. Sadly, it's harder for me to regain breath than people who have asthma and I begin to hyperventilate. I just couldn't breath. All of my inhaled breath wasn't going into my lungs or maybe I couldn't feel it from fear. Roguf turns his back on me and begins growling and snarling loudly which makes my eyes burst open wider. I motion closer to Roguf's back a moment, remembering the last time he did this, and stared into the darkness. I saw nothing. I climb to my feet and step to Roguf's side and look around slowly; he notices nothing. Then a figure stands in the center of the clearing and I gasp. Roguf snarls and I motion backwards. "Peace," the figure calls and I freeze. His angelic voice, similar to Roguf's only due to them being similar beings, sounded like a sweet song, a lullaby. Roguf growls again and the figure goes into a crouch. I, without thinking, dart in front of Roguf and outstretch my arms. I don't know what I was doing it for but I was doing it. I wouldn't be able to stop him in the least so I began to shake as his eyes focus on me.

"I-I don't know what I'm doing," I shrug and my voice cracks on each word. The figure straightens up a moment, I figure I surprised him, and then he crouches over again. Roguf eyes me angrily but I remain where I am. I lift up my feet to move then and run but they won't move. Before I know it Roguf is walking towards me and the figure is creeping closer. Once Roguf gets arm length the figure disappears and then appears in-between Roguf and I.

"What are you thinking," he asks, "he's going to try and attack you." I gasp in air and then take a step away from him.

"You don't know that." I only spoke 'you' and mouthed the rest. He steps with me and Roguf turns his attention to the boy in front of me. This boy is gorgeous and smells intoxicating. He has this golden hair that seems to have brown in it; no. His hair is more bronze but in the dark I can't really tell. His eyes are a brilliant gold but they seem glassy. He's wearing normal human clothes similar to Roguf but more formal. He wears a white button down shirt and khaki pants. Upon his feet are brown loafers; maybe they are something else because they look expensive, but that's all I can make out for sure is the color. He isn't as muscular as Roguf but he is muscled up and lanky. He smells like... I can't describe his exact smell but it is heavenly. He has the face of an angelic god-like creature though I know precisely what he is. After backing up a while my ankle finally snaps and I fall to the ground. Roguf smirks as the boy turns his attention to me. Roguf lunges but the boy reaches out a hand and catches him by the throat. Despite me never truly liking Roguf; despite me wanting him out of existence; despite me wanting to be free from him I rush-more like crawl-to his aid. I grab at the boys other arm in order to get his attention. This surprises the boy and he releases his grip a little but does not let Roguf go.

"You wish for him to live?"

I stare at the boy with his eyes fixed on my pained eyes. "I've wanted him dead since forever," I mouth and he smiles so quickly I can't be sure he smiled, "but I can't let it happen. I can't just stand by now that I have a choice. I am the one who should die. He can't help being an evil creature but I can help obeying him. If you are intent on killing someone then be it me."

I don't know if my nobility saved Roguf or what but the boy throws Roguf across the field. Roguf lands on his feet and glowers at me before snarling at the boy but he keeps his distance because he values life, I suppose. The boy stares at me perplexed and my mind goes blank. He jolts and then I wonder why he'd done it. He begins to speak then stops but begins again.

"Are you all right?" I stare at him with one eye brow cocked. Did I look okay at all? He smirks but it vanishes just like the alleged smile from before and I wonder if he really did either or if it was only my wishful thinking.

Roguf suddenly darts from the forest leaving me alone with the boy. "Thanks" is all I could think and the boy turns from me. I begin to stand when my ankle crackles from the pressure and I sit still until the pain passes; he turns back around to see me and crouches down. At first I jump thinking he's going to attack me and then I relax. "I'm sure it's broken," I mouth and smile. He flashes me a tiny smile and then he draws his face close to mine. "Might I take you to a doctor?" "If you think I need one," I joke. I guess my voice is gone now. Well, it should be back to normal tomorrow. Ugh, then it's back to the old grind. I allow him to lift me into his arms and I lay my head against his chest. I know this is a bad idea but his eyes were fine and not to mention I have this feeling of longing for him. Whatever would keep him close is fine.


	2. Watch What You Do, Feel, And Think

**CAUTION!!! MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR TWILIGHT, ECLIPSE, NEW MOON, AND BREAKING DAWN!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!**

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**Chapter Two: Watch What You Do, Feel, And Think**

I guess I fell asleep because I open my eyes to see a high white ceiling. I slightly thought I was dead but the white wasn't what Hell looked like. I look around the room blindly to see nothing but white. I shut my eyes a moment and wait for my eyes to adjust then open them again to see what the room resembles. The room is in fact completely white and looks like a hospital room. There is only one bed, which I now lay on, so I figure the room is mine alone. I notice a few machines but of different types and they didn't seem to be meant for me. I continue looking around to see metal desks and spinning black chairs. Finally, my eyes settle on the door and I remain still. As I stare I remember the night before and shake my head when I feel it banging and throbbing. I try and reach up my hands to my head but they seem to be restrained by a metal cast. I was hurt more than I thought. "Can someone," I mouth. I clear my throat and try again. "Doo, doo, doo?" I can't speak. My voice is still gone. Maybe it has to do with me yelling the night before. I shudder at the thought and the door slides open. I notice the boy immediately and a hint of a smile tugs at the corners of my mouth but I do not smile. He enters with another male and they wander over to my bed side.

"I see you're finally awake. You had quite a day, didn't you?" I nod at the man. "Oh, forgive me. My name is Carlisle and this young man beside me is Edward." Edward I muse and then return my focus to Carlisle. "It's good you finally awoke." I wonder why he makes it seem like I'd been sleeping forever. I notice Edward mutter something into Carlisle's ear so quickly that I couldn't make it out. "Hmm." He murmurs. "You've been out for about four days now." I inhale sharply and then release it after a few seconds.

"Why was I out so long? What's wrong with me? Why can't I speak? Is it temporary?"

"Well, you had some bad injuries and I worked on you tediously until your injuries were sustained." I blink then I look into his eyes and wait for him to continue. "Very strange." He smiles as he stares into my eyes too. What does that mean? "Hm. You have some broken ribs, your arms aren't broken but they have some damage to the point where extreme exertion could break them, your right ankle is broken and the other sprained, you had and still have a bit of damage to your head but it doesn't seem to be linked to your loss of speech because your brain seems well."

"So... you're saying I haven't lost my voice but I have no voice anymore?" He understands my question and nods. A cold shiver rocks through me and my face turns to a frightened expression. How can I go back to Roguf without speech? He keeps me around only because my agony amuses him. Will he try to kill me now? No, he can't. Edward snarls a little and my eyes dart up to him. He looks into my eyes and my face begins to turn red but I suppress the urge to blush. Why is he snarling all of the sudden? Does he think Roguf was the one who did this? His eyes widen and I look at him suspiciously. "Okay, what's going on?" I mouth it slowly so they can catch what I mean. Edward looks from me to Carlisle and Carlisle does the same. "Since that day in the clearing... I had this weird feeling you were either predicting things or reading thoughts. You answered unasked questions; you predicted Roguf's attack." Edward looks at me and then he sighs as does Carlisle.

"There's no shielding her Carlisle. I assume she's involved with this Roguf person." He knows Roguf's name? He is reading my mind; and this Carlisle's too. Edward nods. "I can read minds."

"Nice power to have. Roguf has none."

"Has none," questions Carlisle. "You don't have to hide anything about vampires from me. As you can see," I roll my eyes around, "I know about them already." Carlisle seemed to grow happier when I said that. Edward, on the other hand, seemed to be upset about it.

"Are your eyes naturally gold?" Carlisle knew the answer but needed confirmation, I'm sure.

"No. My eyes were a different color." Carlisle stares at me perplexed and Edward just looks around the room as if it were new to him.

"Were?"

"Well, when I was younger my family was attacked by Roguf but I was spared." Edward growls under his breath. "Since that day, I was his little play thing. He keeps me around not just because he likes how I react to pain but because whenever he bites me and venom is inserted into me I don't transform into a vampire and I haven't died from it." Both Edward and Carlisle look at me in surprise.

"You haven't transformed?"

"And you haven't died?" Edward adds in and I wiggle around on the bed a bit.

"It takes a lot of work to do but I keep the venom away from my heart somehow. I kind of changed but I didn't completely. I'm basically partially human and partially vampire. That explains my eyes in the least." The room is quiet and the two of them are completely still. I wasn't surprised too much by their reactions because I ran numerous reactions in my head in the past in reference to this. "My life is complicated. It is best that you just forget you even met me." Their eyebrows shoot up. "It can't be hard to forget me." I could hear a why coming on so I just decided to answer. "I'm going back to Roguf. He's my... partial creator and all I know so I'm returning to him."

"But-"

"There's no where else I can go, Edward. It's either Roguf or nothing. I have nothing." They ponder on that a while as I roll onto my left side to watch them. "Where am I anyway?"

"Um," Carlisle looks to Edward and he shrugs, "You're in my home. I had Edward bring you here rather than take you to the hospital where I worked because of suspicious stares I could only imagine would follow from that action."

"In Seattle? Isn't it a bit bright," I grin at Carlisle as I look out of the window but see no sunlight, just the darkness of night. The two give one another a quick glance and my smile fades. "Where is your home?"

"Ithaca, New York." My eyes shoot over to Edward. I can't believe where he says we are. He must be pulling my leg. This isn't true. I'm so far from Seattle, my home. Take me back I cry silently. Edward watches me more intently and Carlisle starts over to a monitor at my other bed side. A knock comes upon the door and I stare at it.

"I brought some food for the girl, Carlisle." The voice behind the door chimes and then the door opens. "I told you both she'd be awake."

"We believed you Alice," Edward sighs and the small delicate girl glides into the room. She smiles at me as she holds a brown paper bag in her arms. I do not return her smile and look her over. Unlike Edward and Carlisle, her hair is black but her eyes are a shimmering gold like theirs. Still Carlisle's are the most vibrant but hers were brighter than Edward's. She has a pixie like face and a fit little body. As she stands before me her navy blue silk dress glistens in the light of the room. Finally my eyes settle on her face again, her black hair spiking out and reaching an inch above her shoulders, and finally return her smile. She extends the bag to me and I look at it curiously.

"I figured you'd like this. There are French fries and a hamburger inside." I grimace at the bag.

"Um, I'll eat the fries but I can't eat the burger." Alice tilts her head. "I hate burgers," I mouth with a blush. Darn it, I wasn't trying to do that but I felt embarrassed in not taking what she gave me. I hear Edward sigh and I look at him to see a pained expression. I follow him with my eyes as he exits the room.

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Eventually everyone leaves and I am left alone in my room. I tried going to sleep after eating the bag of French fries Alice brought me but I couldn't. Maybe I should have accepted Carlisle's sleeping pills. Day breaks outside and I stare blankly at the ceiling. Impulsively, my mind drifts to Edward. I remember each of his reactions to things and ponder of the cause of them. It took me a while to figure a reason why he'd saved me from Roguf and came to the conclusion that he did it because he was a peaceful vampire unlike Roguf. I also wondered why he'd left but couldn't figure out why. After he left I had questions but just didn't ask them. I wonder how many vampires live here. I wonder if they are all paired off. I wonder what name the coven has for themselves. I wonder why they don't want me to go back to Roguf. They haven't known me very long. How can they grow so attached to me in so little time? As I think my head throbs from the exertion. Once it gets too much I relax my mind and empty it. I stop thinking about anything and focus solely on sleep. I begin drifting off to sleep when I hear the door open and my eyes fly open. "Are you hungry," asks an unfamiliar voice as I turn my head to the doorway. First I meet Edward, then Carlisle, after him Alice, and now this boy. The boy has the same unworldly beauty as the others have as well as the golden eyes. His hair is blond and shines brightly in the light of the room and the faint shine from the sun hidden by clouds outside. He wears similar attire to Carlisle: a beige vest over a white cotton dress shirt, blue jeans, and some very nice gym shoes. The only difference between their clothes is Carlisle's is green and his shoes are dress shoes. If straight, his hair could extend a tiny bit beyond his shoulders. I look up at his face and see no expression.

"No." He begins to leave when he freezes in the doorway. I watch him as he turns around and looks at me with a more tender expression.

"Do you wish to have company?" His question catches me off guard. I did feel a bit lonesome up here but I'm most times alone.

"I don't want to be a bother. I'm fine up here alone."

"It wouldn't be any trouble. I wouldn't mind staying up here with you." I gaze at him as he motions farther into the room. He catches one of the rolling chairs scattered across the room and sits in it a few feet away from me. "Rebecca is your name?" I nod. "Well, my name is Jasper. It's nice to meet the person that caused all of this talk downstairs."

"They're talking about me downstairs?"

"Yes. They are quite curious about how you can retain vampire venom without transforming. Carlisle is the one most interested."

"Out of who?"

"Oh! Well there's Alice and I, Carlisle and Esme. And then there's Edward."

"Wow, there are a lot of you guys. You named them in pairs?" He nods.

"Rosalie and Emmette aren't around."

"Edward has no pair?" He grows quiet and I recoil my question. "Perhaps his pair is away?" He nods slightly and I wonder. "Alice is wonderful." He smiles at my taking to Alice.

"She is far, far more than just wonderful if you actually get to know her." I nod and he stares into my eyes. I blink and he smiles. "Your eyes ARE interesting," he admits to himself. "Have your eyes ever changed?"

"Changed? You mean like other vampire eyes? Well, not that I know of. I hardly look at them." He catches my disgusted tone and nods. "I don't get thirsty in the least so I suppose they don't change."

"Have any of your senses increased?"

"No. I guess with the venom suppressed things that go along with being a vampire I don't have. Only visible changes have occurred: my eyes and my skin and my hair." I wasn't prepared to mention that I could sometimes do what other vampires can if I wanted. I don't know how I do it but I can. But each time I do something happens afterwards. Using increased speed I lose breath easily, strength muscle spasms, etc.

"Your hair?"

"Yeah. It's shinier and healthier looking. I don't have to do much of anything to it." He glances at my hair and then returns his eyes to my face.

"What did happen to you?" I had nearly forgotten I told no one what had happened to me. Though I didn't want to remember anything from that night I wanted to get it out on the table.

"Well, by now you have heard of Roguf?" He nods. "He isn't as civilized as you all and so he calls on me to get food for him." He doesn't like this and frowns but remains quiet. "Earlier, on the day Edward found me in the clearing, Roguf sent me to retrieve seven of my classmates. I found a reason to get them to come with me. They don't like me at all so it is harder than you might think. I named the V.I.P.'s to go to the fake party with me in my car. The car was stolen by Roguf. They agreed and played right into Roguf's trap. They were smarter than I gave them credit for though. They'd memorized the address that I'd given the others and were panicky when we were going farther and farther away from the party. Before I could get them to Roguf someone takes the keys out of the ignition. I tried to run but I can't run very far without my breath catching and then they got me. I deserved what they did to me. They didn't need to die. They have so much ahead of them. Besides, one of them could have become another toy for Roguf. They should have killed me but my own fear of dying kept me from forcing them to." I hadn't been looking at Jasper as I neared the end of my story. I was looking pass him at the wall beside the doorway. My eyes focus on him to see his sorrowful facial expression.

"You didn't try to lead them to their death for other than an obvious reason. Anyone would have done what you did. There are few people who'd sacrifice themselves for someone they didn't know let alone for someone who wanted them dead. Your not to blame-"

"Don't pacify me." He looks in my fierce eyes as my expression turns to anger. "I'm a monster. I lead people to their deaths just to stay alive. And for how long? I'm worse than Roguf. He's fueled by thirst and I'm fueled by my fear of dying." I grind my teeth together. If I could speak I'd be screaming. I didn't deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt. I'm a monster and he should hate me for it. He should want to end me. He shouldn't even be able to be in smelling distance of a disgusting thing like me. Why doesn't he just go away before I taint him? I lower my eyes and stare at the ground then I return my gaze to the ceiling. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a string of emotions play on his face. Just when I begin to speak Edward appears in the doorway. We talk all day up until nightfall. Just when I begin to tell the story of how Roguf tried drinking animal blood, my stomach growls. Jasper gets to his feet without much thought and disappears out of the door. I lay on my side in the bed facing Edward as he watches me.

"Wow, you really did a number on Jasper." I look at him in confusion and he continues. "He has the ability to sense people's emotions and you were dealing him a few good blows. That's why I came in to try and change your feelings for the better." I wanted to smile but I suppress it and change the subject.

"Still want to hear the story?"

"If you wish to tell it." I can see amusement in his eyes and I can't help but wonder why his mood changed so much since the first time I'd met him. He smiles and smirks more now and he even chuckled at one of my stories. Am I making him happy; am I easing some pain he was feeling? Before I realize it his eyes turn glassy from my thoughts.

"I'm sorry. I ruined it." He smirks a little but it isn't as exuberant as it was before. "Don't be sad, Edward. Pretend I never thought any of that. So, how's the weather here? Is it cloudy sometimes and sunny other times?" Reluctantly he goes along with my subject change.

"It's most times cloudy and rainy but it might be just because of the time of year."

"How do you like it here?"

"I guess it's okay. I don't stay in one place for very long nowadays. I was coming to visit when I spotted you. I'll be leaving probably sometime next week." My heart sinks.

"Oh, where to?"

"I don't know for certain. I'm thinking somewhere in South America." I swallow hard but keep my face the same as when we began on the subject change. I make sure to mask my thoughts by thinking of nothing except for the rain clinking against the window. He stares at me with curious eyes but I ignore them. I look pass his eyes into nothingness trying to remain focused. "Do you plan on staying in Seattle forever?" My eyes widen for a moment then return to their dazed look.

"Well, not forever. Unlike you, I think my time would be up in Seattle with Roguf. Our fun won't last that long." He smiles at the joke.

"But you plan to stay there for the rest of your life?"

"Yes. It's where I belong. I want to be where my home is. I will die where my parents died."

"Noble."

"Not at all; I'm just a girl moping over her 'dead for years' parents. I hardly knew them but there was this love I had. I guess it's just some human thing to be attached so much to your maker." I wheeze trying to laugh. I sigh at my attempt.

"You can't make any noise?"

"I haven't tried to make very many noises but I'm sure that I can't make any noise except from breathing."

"Carlisle can fix that." I do not respond for a while. I begin to speak but can't decide on what to say. It required deep thought and I couldn't risk slipping a thought I had about Edward. I groan a little and he cocks his head to the side. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing... It's just..." I stare at him a moment before sighing again. "It's hard to be near you when you can read my thoughts. Some are personal." I pout. He fights a smile for a moment before speaking.

"Well I can't turn it off."

"Have you tried?" He ponders for a minute then shrugs.

"I haven't tried very hard." I smirk and he shrugs. "You're doing a pretty good job of masking your thoughts now though."

"Yeah but it restricts some things. Like, hm, thinking." His lips twitch as if he didn't want to burst out in laughter. My pout fades as Edward stares at me. My face turns a little red as I try not to blush. But trying to do so many things at once was difficult so I turned a little red. His face turns sad and my eyes fling open. "I'm sorry."

"You can't help but blush. No need to apologize. You're only," he considers something, "part human after all." My mouth drops at him making that joke and then I smile. I roll my eyes as he begins thinking. I watch him a while before he realizes he hadn't spoken in a while. "I got lost in thoughts."

"What were you thinking about?"

"I'm just thinking about how to shield my brother from you." My eyebrows pull together as I wait for him to explain. "Jasper has the ability to feel and alter people's emotions." I stare at him for a minute before my eyebrows fly up, my eyes slip wide open, and my mouth forms an "o". I hadn't caught that when he told me before.

"He feels what I feel? Uh, oh."

"Exactly. It was uncomfortable at times for him to be near you." My face grows sad as he shakes his head. "Don't worry. You're not the only one making him feel unwanted emotions like sadness, fear, anger, longing." I clench my jaws shut. Longing. Could he feel- I cut my thoughts off as Edward stares at me curiously.

"Nu uh. Personal." He shakes his head and rolls his eyes as I watch him with the same curious expression he had. I wanted to ask him so many things but I didn't want to make that pained expression come upon his face again. Maybe someone else could help me? No. They can hear my lip flapping and would know what I was saying. Besides, they couldn't keep Edward from reading what they were thinking, or I was thinking while explaining my questions. I groan again then look from the door to Edward and freeze. Crap! I was thinking. His face wasn't pained but was a bit sad. "I can't take it. Why are you so sad and pained? What can I do to not make you get sad like this again?"

"Stop thinking about it," he says bluntly. He wasn't happy with my thoughts I guess. Going around and asking his family about something that was obviously personal. I wish he hadn't heard those thoughts. He stands and I watch him leave solemnly. I truly am sorry about that.

* * *

And thus the end of chapter two. I'd like to say I didn't do such a shady job describing people this time around but I'm one of those action writers. I want to describe things as they are in my head and sometimes it comes off shady. No matter how many times I proofread I can't see what you guys can't. I can see what I wanted to write and posted as such though to you it seems incomplete and confusing. I apologize if that is the case but I am working on it. Comments and suggestions are more than appreciated. Domo arigato gozaimasu! Hm, maybe I should express what that means. "Domo Arigato Gozaimasu" is Japanese for "Thank You Very Much". I use a lot of Japanese phrases in my work and in everyday life. Saying things in another language is sometimes easier than saying it in your native tongue. Like saying "I'm Sorry" which is "Gomenusai" in Japanese. That's easier for me. Whoops! Went off topic. Thanks for reading and, as always, comments and suggestions are grateful appreciated! Thanks for reading!


	3. I Don't Deserve You People

**CAUTION!!! MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR TWILIGHT, ECLIPSE, NEW MOON, AND BREAKING DAWN!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!**

* * *

**Chapter Three: I Don't Deserve You People**

Jasper came back finally and gave me my food. I tried my best to appear happy like before which seems to work. He leaves to go out with Alice and I sigh, finally able to let my feelings come out. I was so angry at myself. Idiot, moron, simpleton. I called myself everything that I could without thinking. I try to sit up but the metal pieces were strapped to the bed somehow. I examine them a moment before I figure out a weak spot in them. I lift them up as far as they would go and then wiggled them a bit. After a minute I hit the weak point against the object pinning the metal pieces to the bed. It snaps but as soon as I try and rejoice, Carlisle is standing in the doorway. "So you're trying to escape," he jokes and I lower my head.

"I can't stay in bed. I need to move around."

"You will try and run and injure yourself more."

"No I won't, I promise."

"I know, from a reliable source, that you will."

"No-"

"I swear I won't run. I will stay here until I heal. I just want to walk around a little." I stare at him in surprise. That was exactly what I was going to say. Does he have powers too? No. He said he had a reliable source. Edward? But I wasn't thinking about running. _I told you she'd be awake..._ Alice. She can predict things? I sit in the bed, my long, curly, black and brown hair falling over my shoulders.

"You guys can't keep me here."

"At least until you heal we WILL keep you here."

"You're a doctor, right? If a patient wants to leave the hospital before their time then they can."

"If they are a legal adult, correct."

I open my mouth then shut it and narrow my eyes. "This is wrong." He smiles a little and then he leaves. Once he was gone the room grew frighteningly quiet. I stare down at the floor a while then I freeze. My eyes grow big and blank. For a minute I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. It was like my entire body was stuck. There was one thing I could do though, think. But I couldn't bring myself to think on anything except my state of being right now. The next thing I know, everything is black and I hear voices. I open my eyes and look around quickly to see Edward, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, and another female. I didn't look at her very well. My mind is racing along with my heart. What happened? Everything stopped and then black and now everyone is suddenly in the room. The woman hands Carlisle a breathing mask and he places it over my mouth and nose. Air is suddenly flung into my chest, I still wasn't breathing before, and I gasp. My heart continues beating fast a minute then suddenly stops before slowing in pace. They all look at one another with a frightened but confused expression. I overdid it again. Edward looks at me and then other eyes follow. What was he looking- Ugh, I thought that. He gets close to me and crouches down, which confuses me, and stares into my eyes. Where exactly am I?

"You're on the floor beside your bed," he responds and I look around before seeing the bed behind me. I try to make myself sit up but I can't feel my arms. My heart beats a little faster and he looks from me to the monitor and then back. "You think you overdid it again?"

"Well... something like this has happened before; more times than I can actually remember." He stares at me awaiting me to continue and I do. "Like, if I try and do too many things at once, I suppose I can blank out. This time was a bit weird because I couldn't do anything."

"Too many things like what?"

"Like," I concentrate on saying the right thing. "Um, like the time I tried to use both strength and speed." He furrows his eyebrows. "I've tapped into my vampire powers a few times." Everyone's faces turn surprised as Edward insists, with his eager eyes, for me to press on. "If I use vampire strength and speed at once then sooner or later the effects will hit me. Depending on how much and how many I use, the effect varies. Speed alone causes me to lose my breath more easily. Strength alone strains my muscles to the point where if I force too much upon them they could be damaged badly. Using both would cause my breath to catch and my body to lock up. But I didn't use either this time." I muse as he places both hands on my shoulders snagging back my attention.

"What DID you do this time?"

"I don't know. All I know is I was trying hard not to trigger anyone's powers. I masked my thoughts and hid my true emotions. And, I was keeping the venom out. I don't know what that has to do with much of anything." Edward just stares at me then Carlisle steps over and crouches down.

"You didn't use strength to break free of the restraints?"

"No. I focused and found its weak spots."

"How," asks Edward in slight surprise. These questions aren't going to get anywhere. I don't know how any of these things work. I don't know how or why I can do things. I don't know how this stuff happens. I just know I can do them, they happen, and that anything can trigger them. I lower my eyes and Edward releases me.

"Tests might help."

"But tests for what, Edward?" Edward muses as they both stand from me. They seem to think in unison as I lay on the floor, staring at the new person in the room. She must be the one they call Esme, Carlisle's partner. She had a heart-shaped face and caramel-colored hair. She was small, slender, yet less angular, more rounded than the others. Other than that difference she looked just like them. Her eyes were so lovely and golden and held a sort of motherly gaze. It was as if it was plastered on her place moments before death. She was garbed in a white button up blouse, a billowing khaki skirt, and some sort of blue heels. I couldn't really tell as usual.

"Oh," goes Alice freezing in place as everyone stares at her. I look at all of them for a moment before Edward turns to me.

"What does he plan on accomplishing by coming here?" I stare at him in confusion as Alice blinks.

"Well, he's obviously coming for her. Maybe he doesn't know that we're protecting her?"

"Perhaps."

"What are you two talking about," interrupts Esme as Edward and Alice look at one another before looking at me. Everyone stares at me which makes me sweat. Who would be coming for... Roguf.

"Roguf is coming for me," I mouth and Edward and Alice nod. The others realize what him coming meant, a fight.

"In the vision he was alone."

"Tch, as if he would come alone. He saw how Edward was predicting his actions so why would he come alone?"

"Maybe it isn't a fight he's looking for..." starts Alice.

"Not yet anyway," includes Edward as Alice nods at him completing her sentence. "When is he coming?" Alice furrows her eyebrows and I take it that she doesn't know. "So we wait for him? What did he say? Where did he arrive?"

"Erm." Alice looks at me then sighs. "All I saw was him in the forest around where we hunt. I don't know whether he came to talk or what. I just believe he was coming for you."

"We'll wait it out and see if you see anything else. It should be pretty off in the distant future," Edward states to her as she looks down at the floor before flickering out of sight.

Eventually, I am placed back in bed with no restraints but one of them watching me at alternate intervals. "This really isn't necessary."

"Don't be angry, Rebecca. We aren't watching you so you don't try and escape but to watch what you do. It's a test. Maybe we can see why you blacked out before." I nod slowly and stare down at my hands upon my thighs. I was propped up in a sitting position on the bed and was just tapping my fingers on my thighs.

"Jasper," I mouth and he lifts his head from his chest. He unfolds the arms he had crossed over his chest and faces me.

"Yes?"

"I'm bored." He smiles at me and I can't help but smile back. He flashes out of the room and then back so fast you wouldn't have known he'd moved aside from him now standing in the doorway with a wooden box in his hands. "What's that?" He walks over to my bed side and hands me the large wooden box then snatches a wheel chair and sits. I stroke the outside of the box a few times before I take the lid off slowly. I look at Jasper, who was still smiling, and then back at the box as the lid slides off. I place it beside me on the bed and peer into the box. As I pick up small chess pieces, Alice appears in the doorway.

"My turn."

"We were just about to play a game of chess," Jasper groans as Alice frowns.

"But it's my turn to watch her."

"Can't you both stay?" Alice and Jasper look at one another then smile.

Eventually the game changes from chess to cards due to the number of people. "You're cheating Alice."

"No I'm not, Rebecca. You just suck at this game."

"Don't give me that. I am pretty good at this game. Good enough to know that you're cheating. No future sight." Jasper laughs at us as Alice glares at me as I do her. Alice then shrugs and snatches up all the cards. She then quickly begins shuffling. "Um, so, this is what you guys do for fun?"

"Fun," Jasper questions as Alice smiles.

"Hunting is what we do for fun..." states Alice.

"But with so many restrictions to retain the natural balance..."

"We can't do it often," they say in unison then smile at one another. I watch as they appear to turn to stone. They don't move, they don't breathe, they just stare into one another's eyes. Is that what love is like? As I watch them a woman comes into my head. She had the same look that Alice had only she wasn't staring at anyone or so I think. She was just smiling and staring off blankly into space. I'd seen her a few times with that expression somewhere in Forks, Washington on a hunting trip with Roguf. All I remember is the color brown. She was pale and had a lot of brown about her... maybe her hair and eyes? I'm not sure. The image is sort of blurry. She was a bit awkward from what I saw. Always tripping and falling and stuff. Completely uncoordinated. But she had something about her. Something I couldn't point out that made her stand out. I watch them for another minute before yawning which turns their attention to me.

"Sorry," we all say together then smile.

"Sorry, I yawned and ruined the moment."

"Well, we were sort of ignoring you."

"I wasn't yawning at you two, Jasper. I guess I'm sleepier than I realized."

"You just slept though," Alice whimpers. I nod rather than respond and lay back on the bed before reclining it so that it made a flat bed. I roll over on my side as the two of them go at it again. My eyes droop as I see Alice's beaming smile and Jaspers radiant grin.

_"We came to get you, Rebecca," states a voice as I stand in a wide open area. _

_"R-Roguf," I think as my hair is blown back and I see Roguf standing before me. "We?"_

_His eyes weren't on me but he was staring behind me. I twirl around and nearly faint. Jasper and Alice were clinging to one another while glowering at a group of thirsty vampire. I look behind them to see Esme and Carlisle sprawled on the ground, dead. Then, I hear Edwards voice. He was crying out. I look to my left to see him standing upon a large rock growling loudly. I smile with hope that he could save all of them when I am suddenly directly beside him. He flings an arm at me but then I am up on his shoulders. I hear Alice and Jasper cry out then get cut off before I hear a crackle from beneath me. I look down to see Edwards head in my hands._

My eyes fling open as I struggle to break free of something cold and hard. I look around but can't see anything. My eyes were covered by tears. I was trying my hardest to scream out but I couldn't. Then I see Edward across from me fall to the floor. In my head I was screaming as loudly as I could manage. I stop screaming in my head when I notice Edward covering his ears. I blink as Jasper appears beside Edward. My heart was pounding and I couldn't hear anything. After a moment I compose myself and watch Edward remove his hands from his ears. When I begin to speak I see Carlisle entering the room slowly. I watch as Edward and Carlisle speak in their swift manner then he comes over to me. "You had quite a dream didn't you," he asks smiling as I stare at him. He was so close and I was so scared. Tears roll down my face as I wrap my arms around him. Usually my dreams weren't so bad. They wouldn't make me react like that. Usually I would just wake up in a cold sweat or out of breath. This was horrible. Reminded me of the nights after I was transformed. When I dreamt that my parents were alive and came to save me but I killed them for no reason. But unlike then, I couldn't scream out. I couldn't do anything but cry and for me that wasn't enough. It felt like I was bottling it up. My heart ached from the pain of not being able to cry out. My body hurt so badly. The venom stung and burned. My eyes continued to press out tears though the tears burned; my eyes burned. After an hour I calmed down. My body relaxed and my crying stopped. I shivered now and then but I wouldn't release Carlisle. He didn't seem to mind. He remained still as a statue except for when he stroked my back or my head to calm me down. The others watched except for Jasper. It was too much for him. "If you continue holding onto me then you'll freeze," he jokes. I release him finally and try to wipe my face but the I couldn't move my arms for some reason. Esme flashes in front of me and wipes my face which made me a bit embarrassed but not too much.

"I'm sorry about that," I mouth as Esme slides her hand down my cheek.

"It's all right dear. If we could dream and dreamt that we would have reacted the same way-"

"If not worse," includes Edward as my eyes flash to him.

"I didn't mean to scream in my head."

"It's all right," he states. I shake my head. I wanted to object but they were all too nice. I didn't deserve them. I have to leave. I can't stay here and hurt them when they've been nothing but nice to me. "It's not your fault." Edward says a little louder than normal but I ignore him. When I am permitted to leave... I'm going back to Roguf. I'm going to face him without a voice. I don't care if he kills me anymore. I'm a burden. Edward's face crumples. He couldn't stand my thoughts and yet he wouldn't leave. My eyes were dry. I couldn't draw out the tears. I wanted to beg for this all to be over. For my end to come. Then I remember how I can easily end it. Edward snarls and my mind goes blank. I look up to see him clutching my arms. "Stop this... stop trying to... you can't... don't you value life?"

"It's too much... it's too hard. I only hurt people," I think.

"I can't let you... I won't let you leave."

"You can't keep me here!"

"Please..." My eyes stare at Edward whose head was lowered.

"Am I helping you? Am I easing your pain?"

"Not now," he jokes and I wheeze a laugh. Everyone but Alice and Esme leave as Edward lifts me up and lays me in my bed.

"Edward, are you certain?"

"Esme, she has no choice," states Alice as Esme looks at me. I didn't know what was going on or what they were talking about. They finally leave as my attention goes to Edward.

"That female you remembered when you were playing chess with Jasper and Alice... she was my old mate." My eyes bulge as I gaze at him. Who was that girl? I only remember how she looks. I figured I'd only seen her but she was far more familiar to me. "Her name is Bella... Isabella Swan." The way he said her name made me a little jealous of her.

"What happened?"

"I decided it was better for me to stop messing around in her life. She didn't need to be involved in this mess of mines."

"But you loved her."

"Enough to let her go."

"Why would you let it go that far? How could you fall in love with her?"

"At first I only wanted her blood and it made it hard to be near her. Her blood was the most intoxicating." Again, I grow jealous. "Eventually I overcame my thirst and tried to get to know her to repay for me having treated her badly before." He laughs. "She thought I thought she stunk at first. And soon I fell in love with her. She was smart and could figure things out fairly easily. She found out what I was and what my family was quickly. Soon I realized what danger she was in and so I broke it off and left with my family."

"That was cruel," I state as he stares into my eyes with his glassy golden eyes.

"It was what I thought was best."

"I don't want to upset you but that was dumb. I think you could have thought that out better. Then again, it all depends on how in love she was with you." The conversation was hard for him so I try to change the subject. "What was Esme and Alice talking about?"

"You get names well." I smile. "Esme was wondering if it was all right for me to be getting so attached to you as I am."

"You're attached to me? Hm. What did Alice mean?" He ponders.

"Unlike Bella... you have no choice but to be involved in this world. So there would be nothing wrong for me to be attached to you. But..."

"So you think that in time you can get over Bella? And to do that you need me?"

"You're smarter than you look."

"Yeah. Not many people who have bandages wrapped around their heads are smart." He smiles and I realize why he's attached to me. I ease his pain. I don't make him forget very well but he thinks I can if I try. If I stop thinking certain things.

"Or if you stop thinking about them around me."

"I did it again," I ask almost yelling in my head.

"Well, this isn't how I envisioned my first real friendship but it'll do." We talk for a while longer before I fall asleep.

I woke up now and then after a bad dream but made sure to never scream in my head again. As soon as I did, a cold hand would fall upon my forehead and I would breathe easy. I didn't have to open my eyes. It could have been Edward or Esme or even Jasper. All I knew was it was them and I'd drift back to sleep. The days went on like that before my wounds finally got healed enough for me to walk around. Alice saw no new vision of Roguf and we all wondered if he was actually coming.

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And thus the end of chapter three. Nearing chapter five and soon it will epilogue and hiatus time. Once I reach chapter five I'm going to get started on another project. Yeah, I know, I'm nuts. But there are so many Anime I adored and so many fan fictions I've had in mind. I just want to show them to the world. They may not be great but I enjoy making them. It's... an unbelievable feeling as many of you know. Anyway, better get back to work. Thanks for reading and, as always, comments and suggestions are grateful appreciated! Domo arigato gozaimasu!


	4. Thought I Was Doing It Right

**CAUTION!!! MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR TWILIGHT, ECLIPSE, NEW MOON, AND BREAKING DAWN!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!**

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**Chapter Four: Thought I Was Doing It Right**

"Can I go to college too?"

"Rebecca," Carlisle sighs, "you have no high school diploma and it would take a lot of work to get you into a college. Not to mention you'd have a hard time with the work."

"No I wouldn't Carlisle. I work at a college level as is."

"Really? We'll see. I'll test you." I pout and stop following Carlisle as he walks down a spiraling wooden staircase.

"Oh, Rebecca. I got a new array of clothing that would look adorable on you."

"Uh... I don't feel too well Alice. Maybe another time?"

"Liar!"

"I hate dressing up Alice. Can't you dress up Jasper?"

"I don't want to. I bought new clothes just for you and you won't try them on?"

"Don't guilt trip me." Alice begins to dance away when I sigh, the only noise escaping my mouth. I still can't speak. I hope that my voice will one day return but I don't know. I didn't want to bother Alice about it but now she will owe me one fortune. "Fine." In a flash I was in a very large bathroom. It was completely white like the rest of the house but had areas where there was green and blue and pink. Towels, cups, floor mats; were some of the things that weren't white. "Why are we in the bathroom?"

"Make up first."

"You never mentioned-"

"Rebecca, these clothes require make up for me to get the full effect. I HAVE to do your make up." I sigh again and let her apply my make up swiftly.

"Alice," I mouth as she applies my lip stick.

"Stop moving your lips and wait until I finish then you can talk." By the time she says that she was on my hair.

"Will my voice return?"

"That's a hard question to answer Rebecca."

"Fine then. I'll ask another. Do you see me as a vampire?" Alice nearly drops the comb she is holding.

"As a vampire?"

"Yes."

"Well..."

"What?"

"Right now I don't see it."

"Why do you sound so sad?"

"There's a chance you could die..."

"You see me dead?" The room grows quiet. "Oh."

"But I picked out what you would wear." I smile but it isn't genuine. "I didn't want to tell you. I hoped you wouldn't ask."

"It's fine. Do you know how I died?"

"You sacrificed yourself."

"To who? Why?"

"I don't know. All I know is that someone was asking why you got in the way." I wonder what I did. "I didn't always see you dead. Before I didn't really see your future. Something changed for you a few days ago." I ponder when Alice returns to doing my hair. I suddenly notice my heart pounding harder and louder and begin thinking about running from Alice's clutches when I hear a laugh. My eyes slide over to the open doorway to see Edward smiling.

"Watch her Alice. She's thinking about running." Alice frowns and I chuckle. "Anything new on Roguf?"

"Not yet. I haven't seen anything." Edward furrows his eyebrows as I watch him.

"Well Carlisle, Jasper and Esme are going hunting. I think you should join them Alice."

"Huh? Why should I go?"

"Well, I already went and your eyes..."

"Don't look so good," I include as Edward nods. Alice looks at me and then flashes over to my side opposite of Edward.

"Get up Rebecca. What do you think Edward?" After I scrambled to my feet and stand I notice Edward smiling. I blush under my blush when Alice appears in front of Edward. "Now out. She has to get dressed." After the door shuts Alice disappears. After less than a minute she appears and swiftly strips me down. It was VERY embarrassing but she did that a lot. She then clothes me before snatching me into one arm and darting over to the door. She flashes it open and then closed and sets me down right in front of Edward. "She has to look like this all day Edward. I want her looking this gorgeous when I get back." Alice then disappears as Edward shakes his head.

"You look wonderful. I'll go and get your food for the day while the others wait for Jasper to get back." Edward is then gone and I am left in the hallway. After I open the bathroom and enter I look myself over in the mirror. My usually curly and tossed around black and brown hair was now straight. I didn't even realize how long it had grown. I hardly look in a mirror after all. It was nearly to my behind and last time I looked at it in the mirror it was only a bit pass my shoulders. I then catch my golden hues in the mirror and instead of looking away in disgust, I gaze at them. My eyes were like the Cullen's, that's what they call themselves, and not like the blood thirsty monsters I've met and was partnered with before. I then realize something much more important. I was going to be in the mansion, I mean, house alone with Edward. My heart picks up in speed when I suddenly see Esme in the mirror. I jump and she smiles.

"I didn't mean to frighten you."

"It's all right," I lie. I was scared out of my wits. Thank goodness she couldn't read my mind or sense my emotions.

"So are you worried about being left here with just Edward to care for you? I can always stay behind."

"No. Edward is plenty protection." Esme smiles and I avert my eyes from the mirror.

"Come with me," asks Esme. I look at the mirror to see her leaving and quickly follow her. After passing a few doors and windows, descending the stairs, and leaving out of the front door we come to a stop a few yards from the house. Since I was allowed out of the bed I was constantly being monitored and couldn't go anywhere without a breathing mask around my neck. Esme hands me the mask she had swiped when in the bathroom, that was custom made by Alice to match the outfit I was wearing -this isn't the only custom in the house- and I take it. I place it around my neck as Esme watches me contently. "You have quite a liking to Edward." I stare at her and stop fixing the mask around my neck. My arms stayed where they were until a minute passed. I take my arms down and blush as Esme laughs lowly. "Don't be embarrassed."

"How can't I? How did you know?"

"I would say it's a mother thing but it isn't. It's more of a woman thing. The same thing that happens when you sense Edward coming is the same thing that happened when I sensed Carlisle coming. My heart raced and for him he thought something was wrong with me. You are quite fond of Edward. You have adapted to the racing of your heart as a notification that Edward is coming."

"Does anyone else know?"

"Alice does and I am certain Rosalie would too if she were here."

"The guys don't know?"

"Carlisle knows. And Jasper doesn't need to be informed of things that happen like that because he can sense it."

"He knows then," I mouth as my face grows redder.

"Edward doesn't know. Or at least I don't believe he knows. He was never present when it happened for the females of this family and Carlisle and Jasper most likely don't think about it. I believe he has no idea."

"I have felt this way about him since I saw him for the first time. I don't know why."

"I believe that is because he is your mate. You and he are supposed to be mates like Jasper and Alice, Rosalie and Emmette, and Carlisle and I."

"I had a feeling that was it."

"But he's in love with someone else."

"Well..."

"I just have to find a way to make him want me more. Maybe if I were full vampire his feelings for me would be greater. But I don't know if my body can handle a transformation."

"Don't attempt it. Alice said she saw you dead. Please, don't test it alone."

"I won't."

"I am going inside. The boys are coming up the drive." My heart pounds and she smiles before turning and walking back towards the house. I see his car and without thinking I run back into the house. I place the mask over my face and catch my breath as he and Jasper enter through the doors. We walk for a bit, passing by the passage leading to a staircase and then reach the living room. I walk over to the couch and plop down as Edward walks to the kitchen and enters.

"What will you hunt Jasper?"

"Um, I suppose I will hunt whatever Alice is hunting this time." Alice snarls at him and he smiles.

"Hopefully there's enough for the two of you?" They didn't even answer my question. I shake my head and lean back on the couch as Edward appears beside me.

"I got some ingredients for Chinese food. Would that be all right?"

"That's fine. Just rice or-"

"Some beef, rice, and some ingredients for egg rolls... Are you listening?"

"I'm going to expire if you go on." He chuckles and sits close beside me as Carlisle looks at us as he enters from the back door through the kitchen.

"You two wouldn't prefer to come out there with us?" I grimace. I didn't want to be rude and say that I couldn't bear to watch them in action so I just shake my head. Edward nods to Carlisle who nods in return. Alice, Jasper, and Esme flash to his side before they all wave and then disappear.

I shiver and Edward scoots over to the other end of the couch. It was darker outside now and rain was pounding down on the house. It was quiet and quite uncomfortable. "Edward."

"Yes?"

"I'm bored." He laughs and then disappears from the room. Just then I hear a crash outside and stand as he returns. I look at him to see him in a crouch and realize it wasn't an innocent sound like a trash bin being knocked over or something falling out of the garage. I motion close to Edward as a figure appears by the door. A flash of lightning lights the area by the door and I realize it is Roguf.

"What does he want?"

"I don't know. How come Alice didn't see this?"

"I don't know," Edward replies as a crash is heard from the kitchen. "He's not alone."

"Edward," cries out Alice as she flashes down the stairs. I look at Alice beside me and smile but neither of them were smiling.

"This wasn't a part of some plan of you guys?"

"I didn't see this coming," replies Alice as Roguf disappears from the door. Another crash, louder this time is heard. I focus my eyes to see what is going on outside but stop myself. I couldn't afford to lose my sight after using it just to observe.

"Where are Carlisle and Esme?"

"We all split up. Carlisle is fighting Roguf." I begin to ask Alice something else when Edward flies over to the door. He flings it open only for whatever was there to evade the door and crash into another figure. Without thinking I was outside tackling a vampire. Once I do I am kicked through the window I had flung from. Esme stands and grabs the vampire before it can leap inside and attack me. Alice then slams into another vampire that tried attacking me from behind. They disappear from sight as I get to my feet. There weren't enough of them. How many vampires were out there? What should I do?

"Nothing," calls out Edward when I see, almost in slow motion, a claw slash at him. I don't know why but rage rocked through me and, even though I knew what it would do to me, I tap into all of my vampire powers. I do it only for a few seconds. I tear apart the vampire that was trying to attack Edward first, then the one attacking Esme, the one attacking Alice, then the one Carlisle was fighting -which wasn't Roguf- and one more vampire before stopping. I collapse onto the ground then.

I awaken to see nothing but a high wooden ceiling. I'm alive? I remain still and do not move when I see Esme staring down at me. "Esme," I mouth as a smile stretches across my face.

"I am glad you are all right."

"What happened? Where are the others? Are they unharmed? How many vampires were there? Is Roguf dead or alive?"

"Well, it seems that there were nine vampires attacking. We were handling it pretty well and then you collapsed. I didn't even notice that you killed the vampire that was about to attack Edward, the one attacking me, the one attacking Carlisle, the one Alice was fighting, the vampire Jasper was going to attack, and the one attacking me. You moved so fast. We almost lost you back there."

"I almost died?"

"Yes but apparently you stopped just in time or else your injuries would have been too much."

"I wanted to go longer. I was so infuriated. But I remember when Alice told me I would die in one of her visions. I want to prove her wrong." Esme strokes my face before speaking again.

"Roguf ran. Edward met him in the field from before and just got back." My eyes turn a bit sad. "Edward spared him."

"Why?"

"He said you didn't want him dead so he would spare him that time."

"Next time he won't," I joke and Esme smiles. She removes her hand from my face and darts to her feet. Carlisle embraces her and I can't help but to look away.

"You were the only one that destroyed a window." I turn my head back to see Carlisle and Esme gone and Edward in their place.

"Sorry."

"That was amazing. I couldn't track you with my eyes at all."

"I tried to do a lot in a small amount of time."

"You're even faster than me. Wow." I loved how he was amazed with me. It made me feel wonderful.

"Was anyone harmed?"

"No one was harmed at all." I lift a hand and then cringe and lay it back down. "You shouldn't move. Your body hasn't adjusted to you having done what you did."

"Can I wear a mask instead of having this tube up my nose? It's uncomfortable."

"You'll have to ask Carlisle but he seems a bit preoccupied. They're actually going hunting now; Alice and Jasper too. They'll be back tomorrow night."

"So we have all day together tomorrow?"

"Yep. What would you care to do?" I begin to speak when my stomach growls. "I'll go and whip up something for you to snack on then I'll make your dinner." I nod and shut my eyes. Now we would have our time together.

After I ate my snack of a salad I got to eat some stir fry. He joked about how I couldn't have Chinese food until later on today. So I'm looking forward to that. I prodded a while before he decided to let me where my mask instead of having the tube stuffed in my nostrils all day. I decided since today was cloudy but still warm that we would head out into town and look around. My body was back to normal now so I could manage to walk. Usually the effects of tapping into my vampire powers only last for a few minutes. But it took a deal longer since I tapped into all of them. It still only lasted for a few hours. We were out and on the town by eight in the morning. As we drive down the streets of Ithaca I gaze out of the window. Now and then I ask to stop and get out but most of the time I just gaze for as long as I can before we drive away from the sight. We stop at a pizzeria and I eat while Edward watches me. "It's hard to eat when someone is watching you."

"Good thing I'm not eating then." I roll my eyes at him and continue eating, trying not to make a ton of noise. After two slices I sigh and stop eating. "Done already?"

"Yeah. I'm stuffed."

"You only eat that much?"

"Yeah. I don't eat a lot."

"No wonder you're so small." I smile as the waiter waltz's over.

"Are you sure you wouldn't care for anything else, mam?"

"No. I'm fine. Edward?"

"I'm certain he cares for nothing." The waiter states as he gazes at me. Now I was getting uncomfortable. Darn Alice for dressing me up again. She made me wear these old school jeans that stretched up to my waist, a white cotton dress shirt with the collar flared, a sky blue sweater vest, some pumps, ruby red lip stick, and my hair was curled and slung into a ponytail to the side. She did me up in my sleep. And since my hair naturally stays in a style I had no excuse to tear it down. I couldn't wear something else because when I got back then she'd destroy me. He was gawking at me and I wasn't use to it.

"The bill, please."

"As you wish madam." I cringe as he walks away. "I feel like a slab of fresh meat." Edward laughs at me as a girl wanders over to him. I stand from my seat as the girl comments on how Edward looked in his khaki pants and white button up. I head to the front of the store and gaze at the aquarium by the door when the waiter from before appears beside me. "Wonderful. Here you are." I take the bill when something falls out of the booklet the bill was in. I bend over to get it as he walks behind me. "I apologize." I hear him say and bolt up. I look behind me to see Edward glowering at the man as he walks away swiftly.

"He was going to grab my behind?"

"Yes. Sick pervert. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't go back there and tear his hands off and shove them down his throat."

"Because I want to go home and play chess." Edward chuckles as I smile.

"That's good enough for now. I'll wait until you fall asleep." I knew he was joking but I flash him a glare anyway. He chuckles as we drive home. On the way I notice a beautiful deer prancing beside us. I watch it smiling when it dashes into the trees on the side of the rode. My smile fades and I turn to face forward when Edward pulls over to the side of the road.

"Wh-what is going on?" Without another word Edward is out of the drivers' side door and at my door. He opens it as I get out. He then shuts the door and locks it before he begins walking into the forest. I hesitate a moment before following after him. Before I know it, I'm on Edward's back and he is running. I shut my eyes and bury my head in his back as the air slashes against my skin. It wasn't painful but you could feel it. When I feel the wind slowing I raise my head and my eyes widen. It was gorgeous. I gaze around the area to see deer and squirrels and other animals as Edward flies through them. They scatter as Edward comes to a halt. I pout seeing the area clear then turn my attention to Edward and freeze. Edward was glowing. The clouds had parted and Edward was caught in the shine of the sun. I scramble from his back and then step back from him. He turns to face me and his eyes shoot up. I look down at my skin only to see it glow but not sparkle like his. Apparently, through the eyes of a vampire, he saw more than I did.

"You shine too." I smile at him and then things get a bit weird. He gazes at me and my smile fades a little. He walks near me slowly as I step back a little. His smile was gone and he held no expression. I stare into his eyes and see them glow. Before I know it, Edward is right in front of me. I stare up at him a moment before looking around the area. What is he doing? He then bends down his head and I snap my head in his direction. Once I do our lips meet. My eyes were wide in surprise. I couldn't breathe. I didn't want to breathe. I was dreaming. I shudder when I feel his hands on my neck. My eyes droop as my arms wrap around him. As soon as his hands were tangled in my hair I lost all train of thought. I exhale lightly as my hands grip his waist. Then I felt nothing. I open my eyes to see Edward staring at me with the same expression I had when he first kissed me. Had I done something wrong? Did I ruin the mood? Was I supposed to pull away? "Why did you let me do that?" I couldn't think of anything. My head was spinning. "Why didn't you think something? Why didn't you try and stop me?"

"E-Edward-" I am suddenly on his back again before I realize he'd moved. I lay my chin on his back and remain quiet as does he. Once we get home he runs for the kitchen when Alice appears before him. I knew she saw what happened then. I felt like crap. I slowly wander away from the door, wiping away the makeup on my face as I run up the stairs. I shut the bathroom door and stare in the mirror for a minute before turning on the water. I clean my face and then pat around for a dry towel when one is suddenly placed on my hand. I take it and wipe my face then look at Alice. "Tell him I'm sorry. And tell whoever is making dinner sorry too. I'm not up for eating."

"Aw. Don't be sad. He wanted it and you wanted it. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I don't want to talk about it," I mouth and then exit out of the open bathroom door. I found myself back in the all white room... or the previously all white room. It was painted green now which was nice. I like the color green. I walk inside and climb into the all green bed with a mahogany headboard and frame and lay down on the fluffy pillow. I was a bit hungry now that it had been so long since we left the pizzeria in upstate New York and curious why they returned so soon but I was tired too. Slowly I drift off to sleep.

* * *

And thus the end of chapter four. Yeas, the end is where things got saucy. Muahahahahah! Isn't it kind of early for that in the fan fiction? There is never a set time for things as random as that... **_Never_**. Anyway, there was a lot of action in this chapter. Makes ya wonder how the next chapter, five, will go. Well, thanks for reading! Comments and suggestions are grateful appreciated! Arigato!


	5. So Easy Yet So Hard To Run

**CAUTION!!! MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR TWILIGHT, ECLIPSE, NEW MOON, AND BREAKING DAWN!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!**

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**Chapter Five: So Easy Yet So Hard To Run**

I stayed in bed most of the day until Alice flings open the door and storms in. "Stop laying in bed. Edward made you breakfast now go eat."

"But I'm not hungry."

"So you weren't dreaming about eating a ham, mushroom, spinach, and ham omelet with cheese?"

"He made what I dreamt about?"

"Yep. More special made than the stuff we already cook you."

"Fine, fine. Ten minutes." As soon as I say that the covers are snatched off of me as a growl rips from Alice's chest. I hop out of bed with a smile and her ferocious gaze turns to a tender one and she smiles in return. Without wasting more time I grab up my shower bag and head out of the room.

"Good afternoon Rebecca," calls Jasper as I flash him a cheesy smile. I enter the bathroom and take a shower then brush my teeth. After I brushed them once I figured I'd brush them again to compensate for me being a pig and just plopping into bed. I place my clothes in the clothes bin when Alice appears behind me. After a few minutes I emerge from the bathroom dressed in a dazzling red jumpsuit with gold buttons and zippers. I had to also wear golden high heel shoes. My hair was pressed down. I walk pretty good for someone who really hates high heels. I remember the first time I wore high heels I fell on my face. Roguf laughed at my stupidity and made me walk in them for days until I got the hang of it. He use to send me out to get drunk guys. Each time I would either run from them and he'd kill the whole group, lure them somewhere and kill the whole group, or he'd wait until the last minute after I lead them to him then kill him. Never was it just one male. That was the trip. I hated it. I hope I never see Roguf again. I thought about this as I sat down at the table which made Edward a bit unhappy.

"Sorry," I think and he shrugs.

"You're safe now." I nod. "Well, I think I'm going to leave later today." I had a spoon full of omelet and just let it hover there. I did not move at all. I breathed like normal but I felt suffocated. I place the spoon down on my plate as Edward sits beside me. "I figure I'll attend a small college somewhere in South America. I haven't been there in a long time." I nod mechanically and thought nothing. Alice stands in the doorway and I catch an angry expression on her face before it turns blank and she leaves.

"Is this something you want to do or do you feel leaving is best?"

"I did say I was going to leave."

"You didn't know exactly where and you said you would a long time ago. Now you decide to leave after yesterday? Do you ever consider how certain things will make people feel?"

"Rebecca."

"You're leaving because of me. Because of what happened yesterday. Well I'm sorry if I didn't react the way you wanted. I'm sorry I didn't up and slam my fist into your face. I'm sorry I wanted what happened in the clearing. I'm sorry I'm ruining your visit here. Happy? Now you can leave," I think as I slide my chair out and he stands.

"Rebecca, it's not like that."

"Please move."

"Rebecca-"

"I said please move!" After a minute he moves from in front of me and I storm out of the room. I kick off the heels and stamp out of the kitchen door outside. I walk for a while before I stop. "Tell everyone that I'm leaving. I did my time here. If you stop me then I'll push myself to the limit like before," I think to Edward as I hear the crash of a glass plate.

* * *

I know they are following me and I don't care. Jasper and Alice can follow me for as far out as they like. I had my breathing mask over my mouth and I was now at the airport. I stand outside and wait for them to approach me. "Will you pay for me to go home?"

"I had a vision again, Rebecca. At first I saw you were a vampire in one vision and now you are dead again."

"I don't care Alice. I want to go home. Send me home."

"Reconsider."

"No," I reply to Jasper who looks at Alice.

"And what if we don't pay for you to go home?"

"Then I'll hook for the money." They both stare at me with a disgusted expression and I shrug. "Carlisle said I could leave. You two shouldn't even be following me. I am healed from the wounds I was treated for. You can't keep me there."

"Rebecca, you're like family now. We don't want to see you leave."

"Would you rather I stay and be miserable?"

"He'll come back."

"I know he will, Alice. That doesn't matter. Thing is he's leaving after what happened yesterday."

"What did happen yesterday?" Without warning, my face takes on a red color then fades. Jasper's eyes grow large and he looks to Alice. "What happened?"

"Jasper, I'll tell you later."

"No you won't. That's between just us three." Alice sighs as Jasper looks at me in hopes of me cracking again. I wasn't about to slip up and let him feel how I feel about yesterday. He's got another thing coming. It sure was nice to have my mind to myself though. I was a little glad but I was more angry then glad. "Isn't that for people that truly care about each other? For people that want one another? If he didn't... why would he... you saw it was all him, right Alice?"

"It was all him but I can assure you he didn't mean to do it." Thanks Alice. I feel a whole lot better now. He slipped up and kissed the half breed.

"I want to go home."

"Then come on and I'll take you back."

"I want to go home to Seattle, Alice. I don't want to stay here. Please... take me home." I was aching and Jasper being there didn't help. My body wasn't reacting well to the previous events. I had to get away. So I want to go home.

"Not a chance." I look at the angry Alice and then at Jasper. Why did they have to make this so hard? Why did they have to make me go back? That's just selfish. We want you here. We want you to stay. You can't leave us. You should be miserable so we don't have to be. Majority rule. I told them to leave me alone. I told them not to bother me. I told them I wanted to go home. I screech in my head and spin around once before I turn to face them. "Leave me alone," I mouth wishing with all my heart they could hear me screaming the words. Then, as if this weren't bad enough, my heart starts racing. Alice sort of smirks and Jasper just stand and stares at me. What is Edward doing here?

"I can't come and get my siblings," he asks walking towards the three of us.

"No, that's fine. Take them with you so they'll let me leave."

"Some might call that ungratefulness." I glower at Edward. Ungrateful? He wants to tell me about ungrateful? I roll my eyes and shake my head before I start walking away from the airport. I'll just walk.

Finally they leave me alone to mope in peace. I walk along the edge of a busy interstate highway in an attempt to getting to Seattle. Why couldn't I have that; that one peace of happiness in a sea of sadness? I had a family that I could actually get along with. I had people that cared about me and who I cared about. I had someone that I actually liked. There hasn't been a time where I met someone that I was attracted to like Edward. And, if that not being bad enough, my attraction to him -I strongly believe-is connected to the fact that I am his true mate. I could deal with me liking him and him never truly liking me wholeheartedly but not him wanted me away from him. I shake my head and empty the thoughts from my head. I focus on making it to Seattle. After walking for a few hours I get hungry but do not stop. It was beginning to get dark but my mind was focused on making it to Seattle. The sun, the sky, my home. I could feel the warmth of the sun on my skin already. Then my thoughts are interrupted when something appears on the side of the road. There were near to no cars on the highway and I wasn't even close to Seattle and would probably never get there at my speed. I stare at the figure as I come to a halt. I begin inching back when I hear a chuckle from behind me. I freeze as the figure in front of me hisses. "Now why would a thing like you be wandering along the side of the road?" I do not respond to the figure as it walks nearer to me. "We're rather hungry but I suppose sharing you will fill us up a little before we get to Ithaca."

"My blood is terrible. I can assure you you won't like it."

"It beats animal blood," responds the vampire behind me. I contemplate on using my speed to escape when a vampire appears in front of me. She was beautiful and deadly. She had blond hair and green eyes.

"Don't struggle and it'll be over soon." Strength and speed, I see. Without noticing it, I was gone. They finally realize I had escaped and look around. They hear the snarl of the one that was before me before it is cut short. They turn to see their comrade dead and me gone again. The female runs off but I catch her face in one hand.

"Don't struggle and it'll all be over," I echo her previous words but she tries to anyway and I crush her head in my hands. I then look at the other male that was furious. Darn it all. That was his mate. My breathing becomes uneven and I start to stop but decide to take him out as well when he flashes in front of me. I flicker behind him and clasp both hands on his head. He reaches for me and I turn it snapping it from his shoulders. My heart pounds once and my powers are gone. I fall to the ground and wince at the pain as I try and regain my breath. Then, as if I weren't in enough crap, four other vampires emerge from the forest and glare at me. I watch as they disappear from my sight then shut my eyes. I figured this was it. Why fight it? I was destined to die so why not just die now?

I open my eyes a short time later and see the darkened sky. "Rebecca," asks a voice as I look around a bit before spotting Carlisle.

"What? Why are you here? How did you get here? Why did you save me? You should have let me die..."

"Can you try and be thankful for once," snaps Edward as I turn my head to look at the mouth of the forest. He used to be nicer to me but lately he just snaps at me and hurts my feelings. I guess he got what he wanted out of me but it wasn't what he truly hoped for. I was not her and he'd slipped up. I was a plague. He turns away from me and I begin to wonder if what I said was nice or not then drop the thought.

"It's a good thing Edward and Alice were following you before." I turn my attention back to Carlisle. "Had they not been then you may have died."

"I wanted to."

"You shouldn't throw away life like that."

"Why not? What do I have to live for? How long before this vampire venom kills me? I have been bitten by Roguf over ten thousand times by now. My blood is practically vampire venom. Who knows how long I have? And what's the use waiting for the venom to destroy me? Why fight back when I'm going to die anyway? There's nothing worth fighting for." Yeah, I will admit that I feel sorry for myself a lot but I can't seem not to. That's how I feel. That is my reasoning for just laying there and waiting for death. Maybe if I stopped feeling that way things would be different, maybe not. I clench my fists closed and cringe. "I thought you were leaving." Edward turns his head to look at me slightly as Carlisle watches me.

"I was but I saw what Alice saw. I had decided against going after you and she saw what would have happened. We stayed far back because Alice said that you would spot me," Ha, spot him, "and I was the only one fast enough to get to you before the vampires descended in on you. You're lucky to be alive."

"I won't deny that."

"Just go back to the house." I glare at the sky.

"I don't want to."

"Rebecca, this is silly."

"No... I set my mind on returning home. I've been thinking about it this whole time and I really want to go back. It's not even about you leaving but more so about me being comfortable. My thoughts, my feelings, my actions, won't be watched and monitored whether purposefully or by accident. I can be free there and feel, think, do, and decide what I want without someone being notified or trying to stop me." I mouthed it so Carlisle would know what I was saying and deciding.

"If she wishes to leave then she can." I was a little happy by Carlisle's decision but sad at the same time. He was letting me go like I wanted but it didn't feel like something I really wanted. What do I want?

Edward falls into a crouch and Carlisle stands from me. They both watch a figure motion from the forest. "Seems like you two beat me here. I'll be happy to take Rebecca back." Roguf's gaze drifts over to me and I slowly sit up. My muscles were relaxed now and my breathing was stable. I stand up and motion towards him but stop. This is what I want. I want to go home. I want things to be normal. I want to face my death. Do I really? If I thought about it, do I really want these things? No. what I really wanted I couldn't have and wouldn't let myself have. A family and friends; a home; a semi-normal life. I was throwing everything away because I was mad at Edward. Idiot, moron, simpleton. I was scared to be happy. I was scared to live my life in happiness. I want torture... I want fear... I want pain... I want conflict. If not then why was I doing this? I don't know the answers. I don't know the answers! I shake my head slowly trying to shift the pieces together. Trying to fix my thoughts so that the questions I had were resolved. But things don't get decided that way. They never do. I had to think about it and I had to do it myself.

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To me this chapter seemed short. I am gravely disappointed in myself. I guarantee to come back with a bang for this fan fiction. But this IS chapter five and my hiatus is coming for this fan fiction. The last thing I'm going to do is make an Epilogue and then it's off to another project. I think I'll try my hand at three more chapters of Wolf's Rain and then head off to do some Eureka Seven fan fiction. Soon after that I'm going to work on a fan fiction for "The Woman Who Loved Reindeer" if it's on this site. I adore that book. I'll be doing some proofreading also so be wary of updates and things of the like. Well, thanks for reading! Comments and suggestions are grateful appreciated! See you around. ; D


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